Posts Tagged ‘registration’

Sam Lee in heaven humor

January 8, 2005

Some old posts speculating about Sam Lee in heaven including a “skit,” something I was known for in Chicago UBF:

Date Posted: 08:19:34 04/01/04 Thu
Author: rsqarchive
Subject: April Fools repost: Samuel Lee in heaven
In reply to: rsqarchive ‘s message, “Statement of apology, repentence
and resignation from Barry” on 07:11:47 04/01/04 Thu

Date Posted: 19:06:46 04/10/02 Wed
Author: Etaoin Shrdlu
Subject: Samuel Lee in Heaven

What did Samuel Lee say to God when he reached Heaven?
“Get out of my chair!

Date Posted: 07:37:53 04/11/02 Thu
Author: Friend
Subject: Re: Samuel Lee in Heaven
In reply to: Etaoin Shrdlu ‘s message, “Samuel Lee in Heaven” on
07:37:53 04/11/02 Thu

To Apostle Paul:
“You have a severe marriage problem!”

Date Posted: 09:08:07 04/11/02 Thu
Author: Yul Brenner
Subject: Re: Samuel Lee in Heaven
In reply to: Friend ‘s message, “Re: Samuel Lee in Heaven” on 09:08:07
04/11/02 Thu

Apostle Paul in a Konglish accent:
“When God’s servant prayed for me, my hair remarkably grew back.”

>To Apostle Paul:
>
>”You have a severe marriage problem!”

Date Posted: 10:21:15 04/11/02 Thu
Author: Gadfly
Subject: Samuel Lee in Hell
In reply to: Yul Brenner ‘s message, “Re: Samuel Lee in Heaven” on
10:21:15 04/11/02 Thu

To Judas: “Why did you give the thirty silver pieces back to the priests? You should have deposited them in a nice CD at Foster Bank.”

[Comment: Judas belongs in heaven as much as Sam Lee does.]

Date Posted: 11:38:16 04/12/02 Fri
Author: retired fellowship leader [Yes, that’s me.]
Subject: Samuel Lee’s vision of heaven
In reply to: Etaoin Shrdlu ‘s message, “Samuel Lee in Heaven” on
11:38:16 04/12/02 Fri

Samuel Lee’s vision of heaven:

Samuel Lee (St. Sam):

(sitting at head of large rectangular, gray table that used to be a ping pong table)
Peter! How many you going to bring this Sunday?!

St. Peter:

(trembling with fear)
Um…um…19?

St. Sam:

Whaaaaat!? You better bring 30 by any means! John! How many you going to bring this Sunday?!

St. John:

(trembling with fear)
Um…15?

St. Sam:

Whaaaat!? You are idle! You daydream too much! You better bring 25 by any means! Any fellowship with less than 10 will be merged with bigger fellowships! Any fellowship leader with less than 10 is a God damn son of bitch and better commit suicide by cutting their stomach in Japanese samurai style! Bartholomew, why you make 2 minus last week!? Defend yourself!

St. Bart:

(boldly)
Jesus is my defender.

St. Sam:

O! Now you have committed blasphemy! You cannot talk back to God’s servant like that. You better go to purgatory! Wesley! (That’s St. Wesley Jun.) Drive him to purgatory and dump him!

The lines uttered by “St. Sam” are based on actual things that Sam Lee said during most fellowship leaders’ meetings every week and every day during conference and UBF X-Mas “registration battles.” During one such meeting in a “registration battle” in the 90s, each fellowship leader was to give to Sam Lee an hour by hour description of their weekend activities for the “registration battle” on a Saturday to demonstrate that they spent all their time trying to get more precious registrations.

 

If their activities did not result in getting some number of conference registrations, Sam Lee would tell them to “defend themselves” during the meeting. At one point Sam Lee told Joe C. to “defend yourself!” Joe C. must have been pretty fed up at this point because he told Sam Lee politely, “Jesus is my defender.” This led to him being berated for “talking back” to “God’s servant” and being given some kind of punishment, probably being driven to Skokie and “dumped” for “Skokie training.” I was there, quietly watching.

But what if Sam Lee does end up in heaven? What if I and his numerous victims should meet him there? Here’s part of a post from an important discussion thread that reflects what I think:

Date Posted: 11:31:18 10/07/02 Mon
Author: Jacob’s hip
Subject: Re: I am crucified with Christ…
In reply to: FYI ‘s message, “Re: I am crucified with Christ…” on
11:31:18 10/07/02 Mon [FYI being a young man firmly stuck in the works righteousness and ends-justify-the-means teachings of UBF]

Here’s what I would do if I met Samuel Lee in heaven. I would shed tears of joy and praise God for his incomprehensible grace which is sufficient to cover and wash away all our sins, no matter how great, with the blood of the Lamb if we depend only on the blood of the Lamb. And Samuel Lee and all his victims and all the victims of the UBF system and the thief on the cross next to Jesus would praise God alongside me, and all sins would be remembered no more. This message of grace is why I became a Christian. There is no message like it in all the earth or in all the history of the earth.

Shortly after Sam Lee’s death, I heard some interesting stories from inside UBF. One was that on the day of or after Lee’s death, Sarah Barry went to the YMCA or somewhere and took a nice, relaxing swim. Other stories consisted of people, like my mother, expressing relief that Lee had died. Or the story of Ron Ward who was so battered after being under Lee’s direct daily manipulation for years that he was ready to go “pioneer” another chapter. His death was apparently one that many people–in and out of UBF–were looking forward to. Such is often the case with tyrants. As is also the case with many tyrants, even while many secretly express relief that he is finally dead, UBF tries to put the best face on Lee and continue to pay tribute to him and his twisted legacy.

Speaking of Lee’s twisted legacy, there were some UBF defenders who expressed hope (anonymously, of course) back in 2001 that UBF would naturally undergo some reforms after Lee died. No one knew at that time that his death was imminent. So, these people’s approach to bringing about needed reforms was to wait for someone to die. Isn’t that the approach to reform in places like N. Korea and Cuba, totalitarian regimes? But “wait-for-someone-to-die” has to continue to be their approach because Barry and her successors are committed to continuing in the ways of Sam Lee. Thus far, all my requests to describe specific changes in UBF since Sam Lee’s death have been met with silence.

 

Bad memories of UBF conference preparation past

July 20, 2004

This is related to the last post about UBF international conferences.

During the preparation for the last UBF international conference in 2000, one of those Chicago UBF “supplementary worship services” was held on a weekday. The purpose of these “supplementary worship services” was to “supplement” the Chicago UBF Sunday meeting attendance numbers if the numbers on Sunday didn’t meet Samuel Lee’s standards. (See “Abuses related to recruiting numbers and quotas” in my personal story) These “supplementary” meetings happened quite frequently. If a Wednesday “supplementary” meeting didn’t “supplement” the Sunday numbers enough, then a Thursday or Friday “supplementary” meeting would be called in addition. At these “supplementary” meetings, it was customary for Samuel Lee’s “message” (sermon) performer to “rebuke” the attendants at the end of the meeting by reading Exodus 20:8-11 and lecturing them about “keeping the Sabbath holy”, where “keeping the Sabbath holy” means attending a UBF Sunday meeting on Sunday. The funny thing about this is that the poor people who were practically dragged to these all-important supplementary numbers-generating meetings were usually people who weren’t all that “committed” to UBF; they had done maybe a handful of Bible studies with a UBF member. Sometimes they were dragged in from the street with the promise of food after the meeting.

At the aforementioned “supplementary worship service” before the UBF international conference, Kevin A. (mentioned in a past post about UBF institutional racism) happened to be the message performer. After the mandatory lecturing of the attendants about keeping UBF’s Sabbath holy, Kevin A. launched into a “rebuke” against those attendants who had still dared not to “register” for the all-important international conference. It went something like this: “Who here has not registered for the summer conference yet? Raise your hands. For those who have not registered yet, what’s the matter with you!!!??? (*)” [This was followed by some diatribe about how all-important this conference was for the nation and for the whole world.] The absurdity and abusiveness of UBF for me was at its height during these conference preparation times.

I had the “pleasure” of being in a fellowship leadership position during a few of these international conference preparations. More on this later.


(*) I clearly remember that Kevin A.’s “what’s the matter with you!!!???” was done in the usual strange Konglish accent that non-Korean members would sometimes use. The accent was firmly placed on the “you.” Kevin A.’s “what’s the matter with you!!!???” sort of sounded like Fred Flinstone’s “Yabba-Dabba-Dooooo!” or Scooby-Doo’s “Rooby-Rooby-Rooooo!”