Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

"Tradegies in UBF: Abandon Your Child"

July 9, 2004

Something that was posted by someone recently:

Date Posted: 10:57:53 07/09/04 Fri
Author: Sorry for those Children
Subject: Tradegies in UBF: Abandon Your Child

Here’s a tradegy that went on in UBF that I think needs to be discussed more:

Samuel Lee/UBF leaders made members give up their children. Before Barbara D. could “marry by faith” in UBF she was told that she had to give up her child that she had had through an immoral relationship [This was back around 2000, if I recall correctly]. If I remember correctly, her child was about 7 when she was told to give him/her up in order to marry Jerry Robinson. And from what I remember, she did give up her child for adoption. I was told she had to do this to start a new life and that a future husband wouldn’t want someone already with a child. This is so sad, tragic and evil. If Barbara became a Christian her sins are forgiven, including getting pregnant outside of marriage. Samuel Lee and other UBF leaders should have encouraged her to continue to take responsibility for the wrong choice she made earlier by taking care of her child. Instead, the-ever-so warped Samuel Lee pushed her to give up her child as the only way for her to get married in UBF.

There are other cases: Jacob Kim told me he was married before to someone else in UBF. Together they had a son. His wife had mental issues and they divorced (I don’t remember if Samuel Lee told them to divorce or if she was critical of UBF– does anyone know?). Samuel Lee also told Jacob Kim to give up his son for adoption and then to re-marry in UBF which he did. A few years ago I asked him if he sees his son and has a relationship with him and he said no. I just don’t understand these things. I think this is so wrong. You don’t abandon your child. You love them, take responsibility for them and care for them.

Remember Samuel Lee also tried to make Rebekah Yoon give up her child to the Joungs. In fact, they did have him for about 9-10 months, if I remember correctly. Who else did Samuel Lee do this to? Kathy Calabrese also wrote in her testimony that when she was pregnant with her 5th child Samuel Lee told her to give up her baby for adoption after birth. Thank God Kathy refused and stood her ground even though Samuel Lee later slandered her. He lied and said Kathy was so burdened financially by their 5th child and that somehow she ruined the Northeastern ministry. Did Samuel Lee do this horrible, evil thing to anyone else???

Voluntarism and Victimization

December 16, 2003

The enigmatic FlowerRootPearl chimed in with a RsqUBF discussion board post with Subject: “Voluntarism v. Victimization.” This was my response:

Date Posted: 13:35:31 12/16/03 Tue

Author: Joe

Subject: Re: Voluntarism and Victimization

In reply to: FlowerRootPearl ‘s message, “Voluntarism v. Victimization” on 09:42:14 12/16/03 Tue

>It is the job of parents to shape the beliefs of their

>children. In American culture, as children become

>adults they then make their own decisions. Whether

>in UBF or not, unhealthy oppression of children by

>parents is not uncommon. UBF is not unique in this

>regarding second-generation Korean children, when it

>exists.

This is an interesting topic that you begin with, and it makes me curious why you make it your leading point.

I just want to point out that the unhealthy oppression of children in UBF isn’t like the phenomenon of over-ambitious parents who might oppress their children to perform well in school or music or sports. The problem in UBF is that “spiritual order” creeps into the relationship of parents to children, and the net effect is that the “Servant of God” is the real head of the household, not the man of the house. This was a reality in my household and is a reality in Bonn UBF and perhaps other UBFs that I don’t know about. And this contributed greatly to the tragic death of my young brother-in-law.

As a former UBF “2nd generation missionary” I oppose UBF not so much because I resented the “strictness” of my upbringing, but much more because of what I talked about, the dangerous abdication of parental responsibility to a “Servant of God.” That sort of abdication of responsibility is not at all common in normal, healthy churches, Korean or non-Korean. But it is common in cultic groups.

>As for adults, UBF is a voluntary organization in the

>last analysis. Adults who give their lives in the

>membership of UBF must realize that it is a choice

>made by them to have done so. Unfortunately, when

>that decision was made, “UBF gave and UBF taketh away”

>in many devastating examples. But the original

>decision to belong was nonetheless voluntary. The

>benefit which comes is the freedom to leave, both

>physically and psychologically.

I’m not sure you can take this as an absolute. Can a college freshman, barely 18 years old (sometimes younger) and far from home and having difficulty adjusting, be considered adult enough to have made a “voluntary” decision to not just join UBF, but to get sucked deeper and deeper into UBF through the process of staged commitment? In some parts, the “decision” to join and stay may be voluntary, but you can’t discount the deception and thought reform (mind control, etc) techniques that are used to bring in and keep people.

>The real path to freedom is in Christ and realizing

>this freedom of choice.

The path to freedom also includes realizing that there is life beyond UBF, that leaving UBF will not result in eternal damnation or various punishments, that leaving UBF is not the same as leaving God or “God’s mission,” that there are healthier alternatives to UBF.

But the decision to leave UBF is usually a torturous one, which is the way it is with most people trying to leave a cultic group. I’ve had people tell me that they couldn’t leave in spite of harrowing experiences of abuse over many years because they “invested their whole lives in UBF.” But what do they really stand to lose if they leave? Friends? The same “friends” who will shun them and trash them if they leave UBF? Money? As if they’re ever going to see again the large amounts of money they forked over to UBF on command? I guess what they’re really afraid of losing if they left is some kind of status, power and identity that UBF gives them, as pathetic as that may seem. I guess they’re an example of people who don’t have the freedom and identity in Christ needed to leave UBF.

>UBF is not a monolithic

>structure which is absolutley good or absolutely evil.

> There are individuals in UBF who must repent or

>apologize or make restitution. They require our

>prayers. But God is using UBF for the good, too.

Sure, God produces good, genuine Christian men and women of conscience in UBF and those with the potential to be. Otherwise, nobody would be able to make the difficult decision to try to reform it or to leave.