Archive for March, 2006

"The Discipleship Game" – Program of bondage

March 28, 2006

(Related: 1, 2, 3)

More from chapter 1 of the book “Twisted Scripture” by Mary Alice Chrnalogar:

THE PROGRAM OF BONDAGE

The hidden agenda of abusive discipleship is that you should not make decisions without both you and your discipler feeling at peace about it. They claim this will ensure that you will make fewer mistakes on your Christian walk. At first this seems to make logical sense: more accountability, fewer mistakes. What you do not realize, however, is that slavery may soon begin to develop. Once you agree to play this discipleship game, your discipler will be a major deciding factor in many of your choices because you come to believe that you are likely to be in sin if you act without the disciplers confirmation.

How nice of the discipler not to want you to make any mistakes in your new Christian walk. The discipler wants to help you. You probably feel grateful that someone cares about what you do in a world in which people often do not seem to care at all. This discipler may also say that he wants to make sure you find and follow God’s perfect will, and that he is advanced enough to be able to help you with your decisions.

As long as all your decisions follow the disciplers agenda, you will get all the confirmation you could possibly want. You do not feel manipulated because you are making many decisions and are allowed to follow through. You see no control because your decisions either follow the path your discipler wants you to take, or the discipler may have no preference in a particular instance. When you veer off the “path,” the controlling discipler may first try to subtly persuade you (and, if that fails, tell you) that you are in sin.

There are terms a discipler may use to guide the disciple back onto the desired path:

* “I do not have peace about it”
* “I do not know if that is God’s will”
* “Let’s continue to seek God’s will about that”

You are free to disagree if a non-controlling discipler uses one of these phrases. When they are used by an abusive discipler, however, these phrases are a kind of discipleship code that really means: “NO, NO, and NO.”

..

Did your discipler actually tell you “no”? Of course not. Isn’t that sneaky? So sneaky in fact that disciples who are being controlled will nearly always swear they are never told what to do. Rather, they only receive advice. While this is often true, these victims do not realize that, under psychological pressure from their discipler, they may be making many decisions against their own God-given wisdom.

There are times, however, when sneaky is not enough and the controlling discipler needs to use a heavier hand (remember, we are not discussing moral advice). This is called “discipline.” A disciple who refuses to yield will be chastened, rebuked, counseled, or will have some other Biblical-sounding word thrown in his face to get cooperation. This frequently involves being told he is not broken, not submissive, not obedient, or not humble. The disciple might be accused of being rebellious, not dying to self, not trusting enough, or being hard hearted. This labeling game usually works remarkably well in abusive discipleships.

The result is that you are compelled not to change jobs, go to school, date, get married, or do other things without first clearing it with your discipler. If he or she does not “feel peace” about it, then you do not really have permission to do it and will probably feel guilty if you go against your discipler’s opinion.

I invite you to ask yourself, “Would I have played this game if I had known all the rules?” If you had been told at the outset that to be a disciple meant to obey practically all the advice from your discipler in every area of your life, would you have become involved?

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A marriage of sorts…

March 17, 2006

(Related: 1, 2, 3)

From a recent Sarah Barry “life testimony”:

I gave my heart to God first, then to Samuel Lee and to Korea. I decided to trust God’s work in Samuel Lee.

“I gave my heart to God first, then to Samuel Lee…” is what you’d expect someone like Sam Lee’s wife to say. Barry is touted as someone who “gave up her marriage.” But in terms of commitment and loyalty, she virtually married Sam Lee. It’s easy to see that very little good could come of such an unbiblical dedication of her life and devotion.

This near-marriage-level loyalty on her part to Sam Lee is a confirmation of what was observed by someone who saw the two of them operate together more than 15 years ago. I’ll repeat it here:

“[Barry] turned into the classic codependent enabler–a role she played to perfection for years, always deflecting criticism from Sam Lee [as abusive father] and acting as a ‘safe’ outlet [‘comforting (spiritual) mother’] for those of us who needed to complain.”

It also confirms what a Korean senior-level leader who left UBF in the early 90s said to me about what Barry told him, that she had made it her life’s work to build up and and support Sam Lee’s leadership by any means.

As someone else has commented, this near-fanatical devotion to one man may be “the core of the whole misery of UBF.” But here is Barry openly admitting such uncritical devotion given to a leader because in the end she sees nothing wrong with it, thus encouraging another generation of her UBF admirers to do likewise.

The "marriage by faith" program at work

March 7, 2006

(Related: 1, 2, 3, 4)

I continue to see (and be amazed by) the usual deceptions being issued from UBF about the controlled and arranged nature of the “marriage by faith” (MBF) practice. Here are a couple of examples of former members’ reactions when they saw the true nature of “MBF”:

(1) I asked questions like, “What is marriage by faith?” and I was told nothing but flat out lies and half truths. I only discovered the truth after many years of witnessing many examples. You’ve only been there one year so you can’t possibly know. Nobody will tell you the truth because they don’t want to scare you off. It was very painful for me when I finally, after four years of asking questions, realized that I was being deceived.

(2) I left after seeing the actual practice of “marriage by faith” on someone here … and the pressure placed on others to do the same. … I moved into a newly purchased house dubbed the “… House” and lived in common life with two “Shepherds.” One of whom has married a Korean woman “by faith” and another who is traveling to Korea in May to attend the 200* *** and more than likely meet a marriage candidate or two.

Occasionally, there will a slip of the UBF tongue such as the following:

“Shepherd Matthew Chiesi decided to marry to Shepherdess Mary Chiesi only by reading her life testimony, without even seeing her picture.” (quote from a UBF web site, early 2005)

But I’m sure the attempts to deceive the public and newly-recruited “sheep” about the nature of the “MBF” practice will continue.

In spite of the deceptions and denials, the signs that “MBF” is a program (arguably the most important program) in UBF should be obvious: So many “native shepherds” married to imported Koreans (London and Bonn as examples), the immigration ulterior motive of this program, the utter lack of marriages outside of UBF because of the lack of freedom to meet and marry people outside of UBF.

You might see a UBF guy in New Jersey or Germany marry a UBF girl from the Ukraine, and he may have spent a week at most in the Ukraine at a UBF conference or something. Or a guy marries a Korean girl who barely speaks English. Why do so many UBF marriages involve the INS or other national immigration agency? Some might mistake the “MBF” program for a “foreign wives” service. The point is, it should be obvious that a system is at work here because the results are systematic.

Picture this: You are a stranger to a church and ask a married couple in said church how they met. They might answer after a pause to think: “Oh, our pastor ‘introduced’ us.” If you ask all the married couples, and 99% of the couples answer something to the effect that “Our pastor ‘introduced’ us” or “Someone introduced us,” it might be a tip-off that something is really amiss at that church.

“MBF” is not a program of controlled, arranged marriage? Just look at the evidence.