Any fool can confess Christ, quote and twist "word of God"

(Alternate title: Any fool can speak Christianese.)

The following is actual spam I’ve received. If you think that’s an example of the absurd use of “Christianese,” try reading the revered writings of Sam Lee or a recent UBF “message”.

From: “benjamin haastrup”

Dear Beloved in Christ,

It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, knowing the truth and the truth have set me free. Having known the truth, I had no choice than to do what is lawful and right in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of God’s mercy and glory upon my life.

I have the pleasure to share my testimony with you, I am (Barrister)Ben jamin Haastrup, the legal adviser to late Mr.Bill Edison,an American ma n that lived in my Country Nigeria for 26 years before his died in the plane crash late last year.

This man was a good Christian, He was so dedicated to God but they had no child this was why he divorced his wife before death cut up with him Throughout his stay in my country,he acquired a lot of properties like lands, house properties,etc.

As their legal adviser, before his death, Mr. Bill Edison,instructed me to write his WILL. Because he had no child,he dedicated his wealth to G od since he has divorced his wife about seven years before his death. According to the WILL, the properties have to be sold and the money be given out to a foreign ministry for the work of God. As his legal advis er, all the documents for the properties were in my care. He gave me th e authority to sell the properties and give out the fund to the Ministr ies for the work of God.

I sold all the properties after his death, as instructed by Mr. Bill Edi son,before hiS death. And as a matter of fact, after I sold all his pro perties, I realized more than $3,000,000.00 (Three million US dollars p lus), and what supposed to be the percentage interest of my right legal fee was firstly deducted by me out of the total amount realized from t he sold properties, this was base on the initial agreement between me a nd the owner of the properties before his death. Therefore the total am ount left to be invested into God‘s work as instructed by the own er,is $3,000,000.00 (Three million US dollars)only. But Instead of givi ng the main fund out for the work of God as instructed to me by the own er before his death. I converted the fund to myself with the intention of investing the fund abroad for my personal use. I was afraid of putti ng the fund in the Bank, because I have to give account to the bank on how I got the money. I then packaged and sealed the fund in a trunk box and deposited it with a security company.I did not want the management of the Securi ty Company to know the content of the trunk box, therefore I registered the content of the trunk box as church valuables.Now, the security com pany believes that what I deposited with them was church valuables.

I had encounter with Christ when Pastor Benny Hinn was preaching on television concerning Ananias and Saphira in Acts 5:1-11. After hearing the word of God, I gave my life to Christ and became a born again Chris tian. As a born again Christian, I started reading my bible and one day , the Lord opened my eyes to Ezekiel 33: 18 and 19 where the word of Go d says:”When the righteous turns from his righteousness, and committ in iquity, he shall even die thereby.

But if the wicked turn from his wickedness, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall live thereby”. From the scripture, I discovered tha t the only way I could have peace in my life is to do what is lawful and right by giving out the fund as instructed for the work of God by the owner b efore his death.

I have asked God for forgiveness and I know that God have forgiven me. But I have to do what is lawful and right in the sight of God by giving out the fund to the chosen ministry for the purpose of God‘s work as instructed by the owner before his death.

After my fasting and prayers, I asked God to make his choice and direct me to a honest Christian or the chosen ministry that deserves this fund by his Grace. I then came across your address on the Internet as I was browsing through a Christian site, and as a matter of fact, it is not o nly you or your ministry that I picked on the Christian site initially,but after my fervent prayer over it, then you were nominated to me through divine revelation from God, so these are how I received such a divine revelati on from the Lord, how I got your contact information, and I then decided t o contact you for the fund to be used wisely for things that will glorify the name of God.

I have notified the Security Company where I deposited the trunk box that contained the fund,that I am moving the consignment abroad and the security company has since been waiting for my authority for the trunk box to leave my country and move to abroad.

So if you know that you will use this fund honestly and wisely for thin gs that will glorify God‘s name, You should also forward to me your contact address where this consignment will be delivered to you, also telephone and fax number for easy communication and to fax you the documents conc erning the consignments.

Your prompt response will be highly appreciated.

Yours in Christ.
Private email:(

Gee. Mr. Haastrup sounds like a “faithful stewart.”

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