"Mercy" that extends only to the door

(Related: 1)

This is the concept of “having mercy” on someone in UBF:

Date Posted: 18:26:39 04/03/05 Sun
Author: [Toledo UBF person]
Subject: Re: Kicked Out or Leave
In reply to: Question ‘s message, “Kicked Out or Leave” on 18:07:00 04/03/05 Sun

I think most people just leave. When we decided to leave because UBF refused to address abuse, we announced it. We didn’t say when we were going to leave, but sometime in the near future. After we announced it, they gave us the “bum’s rush.” We announced it on a Sunday and the director schedules a going away meeting the following Wednesday or Tuesday and that was that. They couldn’t get us to leave fast enough. I was also told that the leaders told the members not to talk to us. In fact, just today I passed one of the former members on the street and waved to him repeatedly. He ignored me. So, did I leave or was I kicked out?

Toledo UBF spokesperson replies:

Date Posted: 19:14:43 04/03/05 Sun
Author: anonymous
Subject: Re: Kicked Out or Leave
In reply to: bruce ‘s message, “Re: Kicked Out or Leave” on 18:26:39 04/03/05 Sun

>In fact, just today I
>passed one of the former members on the street and
>waved to him repeatedly. He ignored me. So, did I
>leave or was I kicked out?

Perhaps that person just didn’t see you or recognize you. The truth is you *should* have been kicked out–when you were arrested. But instead you were shown mercy.

So rather than address the “bum’s rush” that the first poster was subjected to by the Toledo UBF, the TUBF spokesperson wants to talk about the poor guy getting arrested once; a common UBF attempt at character assassination when the issue is their abuse.

Okay, so the guy got arrested once, but he probably wanted to remain in UBF at the time, so UBF “mercy” abounded then. But when the guy makes his intention clear to leave UBF, where’s the “mercy?” It’s evaporated. The mercy seems to extend only to the doors, as does their institutional friendship and institutional love.

The TUBF spokesperson also uses an unspoken but common UBF tactic against those who leave UBF on not-good terms (i.e. almost everyone who leaves), the tactic of accusing them of “unthankfulness.” “We loved you and did so much for you and put up with you and showed you ‘mercy’ for all those years when we should have kicked you out long ago. See how ‘unthankful’ you are.” But the thankfulness never seems to flow in the other direction. After all, we offered tons of money from the sweat of our brows, we cleaned the “center” bathrooms, helped with construction work on the “centers” and chapter directors’ houses–all free of charge, cooked meals for the leader and his family (because apparently the leader’s wife can’t cook), gave up weekends and study time to practice and play music at various meetings and conferences, gave up jobs or scholarships or further study in other towns and other schools, gave up family time, all to be at the beck and call of the leader, quietly put up with you and your authoritarian control and manipulation, prayed for you almost everytime we prayed as we were taught to do, and satisfied your appetite for heaping spoonfuls of endless undeserved and exaggerated praise. But we’re the ones that are “unthankful.” Riiiiiight. We should have kicked you out of our lives long ago. Now you are kicked out.

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